I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
