That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
