is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
