You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
