Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
