Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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