You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
