I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
