make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
