Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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