i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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