Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
