My nipple is on Facebook.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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