So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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