Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
