Got a toothbrush?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
