Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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