I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
