thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
