I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
