so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
