Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
