How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
