At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
