When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
