Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
