I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
