it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
