so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
