Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
