Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
