He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
