somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
