I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
