I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
