Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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