I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
