I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
