The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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