I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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