So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
