its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
