i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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