i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
