I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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