he wants to bone in the snuggie
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
