I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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