I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
