i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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