I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
